What is Attachment?
A specific type of trauma, known as an “attachment wound”, can significantly contribute to anxiety, depression, and painful relationship patterns. As a child, it was essential that your attachment needs were met by your parents (or caregivers) to help you mature into an emotionally healthy adult. Examples of attachment needs include the need to feel safe, secure, protected, and nurtured. There is a need to feel affection, loving connection, positive attention, acceptance and support. When these essential qualities are missing from childhood it creates deficits, or gaps, in your emotional development.
Unfortunately, these unmet needs tend to carry over into adulthood, and can result in present day anxiety, depression, and relationship struggles. Examples of attachment wounds include:
Feeling shunned, rejected, abandoned, or neglected by a parent (or important caregiver)
Being invalidated by a parent, where emotional needs and personal experiences were minimized, overlooked belittled
Having a parent who was unavailable, (e.g., distracted, ill, depressed, self absorbed)
Having a parent who puts their wants (e.g., alcohol, relationships, need for perfection, etc.) ahead of your needs
Experiencing a general lack of support in childhood
Having a parent who was enmeshed (thus blocking the development/expression of your sense of self)
“Just like trauma, unresolved attachment wounds can be easily and intensely triggered in the present, resulting in painful emotional reactions (e.g., anger, jealousy, shame, humiliation, sadness, hopelessness, fear, and panic).
Emotional pain that surfaces from feeling invalidated or rejected by a close friend or partner, can likely be connected to not having key attachments needs (loving connection, unconditional acceptance) met in childhood.
Trauma has two other far-reaching effects:
Trauma is often at the root of negative thinking (e.g., pessimism, catastrophizing) and self-defeating beliefs (e.g., I'm not good enough, I'm powerless) - both of which are significant sources of anxiety, depression, and relationship problems.
Trauma can interfere with the development of key self-care and relationship skills, which are essential for preventing and counteracting anxiety, depression, and relationship problems.
EMDR counseling for anxiety, depression & unresolved trauma
Research indicates that counseling is most effective when it incorporates both the left and right sides of the brain. Trauma and attachment wounds are stored in the right side of the brain. Traditional talk therapy typically accesses only the left side of the brain and is not necessarily the most effective for processing trauma. My counseling approach is designed to engage both sides of the brain to help you address trauma and attachment wounds and the painful symptoms that they create. EMDR is a psychotherapeutic approach that helps to reprocess traumatic memories and move them to long term memory where the amygdala no longer holds these memories hostage. When the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus come back online to regulate emotions, you will be less reactive. Imagine how it would feel to finally get unstuck and move your life forward!
The goal of therapy for unresolved trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship problems is to help you to:
Feel more calm, relaxed, and present-centered
Feel happier and have a more positive outlook on life
Experience more fulfilling and satisfying relationships
Feel empowered to create positive change in your life
Experience greater self-esteem and confidence
Feel more relaxed and comfortable in social situations
If you’re curious about EMDR or how we can work together to specifically treat your anxiety, depression, or anger... or if you’re interested in learning more about how trauma and/or attachment wounds may be triggering the symptoms that you’re struggling with, feel free to contact me to set up a free 15-minute phone/video consultation so we can discuss your concerns.